Are you abiding?
I’ve got to admit, I had to hit up dictionary.com for this one :). Abide is one of those words that I can’t really hang a definition on when it’s out of context. So, we’ll take the dictionary’s definitions and see how they apply:
- To put up with; tolerate
- To wait patiently for
- To withstand
Boy, those are some interesting definitions.
- I put up with too much: I tolerate things that I shouldn’t. And I’m not talking about the guy at work at ALWAYS takes up 2 parking spaces when he parks. Or my little boy telling me that his Mom said it’s okay if he eats 5 pieces of candy right before bed.
I’m talking about things that are and shouldn’t be and things that shouldn’t be but are. Like the way that the media spreads fear rather than knowledge. Or how someone that claims to follow Christ can have a website called GodHatesFags. Why do I put up with stuff like this?
I imagine that the usual suspects (apathy, laziness) play a role in my inaction, but I fear the underlying reason is more insidious. I fear I do nothing because I doubt my ability to effect change. And I don’t know how to overcome that doubt.
- I’m not nearly patient enough. It’s embarrassing and hurtful to talk about all the ways that I haven’t been patient with my wife or boys, so I won’t. I’ll just say that I’m trying as hard as I can.
- I’ve learned that I give up much too easily. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried and failed to get in better shape or finish that program or beat that game. And everytime I give up, I believe in myself a little bit less. So tenacity, thine is mine.